The Girl

David Colon

Creative Writing

Professor Miller

2/16/18

They gave one to me. So I drank it, all of it. It burned, but I didn’t care. They gave me a second one after the first. I drank that too, but this time around, it didn’t burn as much. They told me that a third would make me even happier than the second. So I drank a third. Then they gave me a fourth trying to bargain with me that the fourth was the epitome of drinks. So I said “To hell with it,” and drank the fourth.

I could feel all of it having a dispute within my stomach, and well my stomach wasn’t having any of it. The growing dispute turned into full fledged abuse with each step. I walked aimlessly from room to room trying to settle the dispute, but I couldn’t find a mediator. I walked outside and thought about how much I loved her and hated her all at the same time. My stomach swifty ended the dispute and I puked off the side of the balcony.

They laughed at me, and I somehow managed to laugh back. They were my friends right? You have to smile back. They were all I had. They told me I looked great, so they gave me a joint. I took a hit. It burned, but I didn’t care. It juxtaposed the crisp air, which somehow made me feel it even more.

It was like when Siddhartha found his ohm. I was at peace. I loved everything for what it was and everything that it would become, even her. I hung over the balcony. Gravity was taking its toll, pulling me further and further away from them. I was frozen. The longer I sat there, the closer I was to finding that peace.

It was crisp outside. The kind of cold where your nipples perk up. That was the exact weather I met her in. I went back inside. Not much had changed, I couldn’t find them. They were in here somewhere, so I walked aimlessly from room to room. To try to socialize with a bunch of random people would be to waste a whole lotta time. I didn’t have that. Besides, I already established a relationship with a new friend group, so to try to branch out and establish meaningless connections would be even more of a waste. But it didn’t hurt to drink and smoke their supply. The key is to act like you know them. Then, you let your newly established friend group to go and get you drinks that they think will make you happy. It’s better to walk around aimlessly.

There was a dog that seemed to walk directionless around the house. I bet you that the dog and I had more in common than me and an actual person there. And let me tell you, boy was she beautiful: long curly hair, a slender body, a real mutt. I once told her that I wanted a dog with her. I wanted to own a big house with her in it. I told her a lot of things. I digress.

Oh look, they found me.

The kid with the rather large forehead spoke. “Hey, Michael, you look extra fucked up!”

“Yeah, totally. So um, you guys wanna get out of here or…?”

The forehead’s girlfriend spoke. “NO! We can’t. We’re having too much fuuuun!”. She gave me a headache.

“Well, guys, I might leave then. It’s been fun, really it has. But I’m not feeling it tonight.”

They wouldn’t stop talking.

“Michael, here, drink this, you’ll have a bit more fun.”

I took it and I drank it. It burned, but I didn’t care. They gave me another. So I drank it. The more I drank, the more I was reminded of her. It doesn’t help knowing that you’re the reason why everything is so fucked up. I wish things had gone differently. I wish.

It’s all good though, right? All I have to worry about is quenching my thirst, and they were doing that for me. The only thing I had to do was sit here and take it. No matter the dispute, no matter how fucked up I felt, I could go to the balcony and repeat. I couldn’t take it though, their mindless talking. The more and more they talked, the more I wanted to put a bullet through my head. That would have been more peaceful than listening to their mindless conversations.

Forehead spoke. “So, Michael, have you talked to anyone yet?”

“Yeah, she’s over there,” they followed my finger.

“Wait where are you pointing?”

“Over there. You see her don’t you? She’s a beaut. The one with cute curly hair, come on guys.”

“You talkin’ bout’ the dog?”

“Yep,” I said.

“Okay Mike,” forehead responded.

We sat there in silence. Not the good kind of silence. I had the good kind of silence with her. The kind of silence where you don’t have to laugh or say something utterly stupid as a fill in. I looked past the forehead that stood in my way and focused my eyes around the room. What was I doing? I didn’t even want to be here in the first place. I knew their drinks began to kick in because all I thought about was her. That’s all I could see, all I could think of. I wanted her, no I craved her.

I had told her that I wanted to be together, not just now, but a long time. Then we fucked it up, I especially fucked it up.

“Listen Mike,” forehead said, “I know you’re bummed out about her, but you have to lighten up man. I’m sorry we talked shit about her and we’re sorry she heard. But you have to get over this, she’s just another girl, you know?”

“Chris, you didn’t even really know her, just shut up.”

“Mike, I know women–”

Forehead’s girlfriend cut in. “Oh yeah, he does know women.”

The drinks kicked in. I found myself yelling. “Emily, shut the fuck up! You were the one who talked shit!”

“Oh Mike,” she retorted, “It doesn’t matter does it? She doesn’t matter. Let’s all go take a hit and forget this.”

“You’re right,” I said, “She didn’t matter to you. But she mattered a whole hell of a lot to me. So fuck you gu–”

“Mike–”

“No seriously fuck you guys.”

“What are you going to do Mike? Go drive to her house and tell her that you love her?”

“I said fuck off Chris.”

“This was your fault Mike.”

The drinks were in full effect. “Yeah, it was. But you know what? You told her that I wasn’t happy. You told her that I wanted something else. Wait no, you didn’t actually tell her directly. You made sure she’d be in earshot. I’m done, fuck you, fuck all of you.”

I stomped away. Right out the door, and stumbled into my car. Could I drive? Yes. Was it recommended? No. My car breathed to life, it’s hum echoed the driveway. I looked to the upstairs windows, trying to get a glimpse of what I had just left. By the time forehead and his girl had peeked out the window, I was already in reverse.

The Shins came on the radio. One of our favorite bands. How fitting. I began to remember. We were in my car. Driving through the White Mountains. That’s the day Caring is Creepy played. She looked over at me. Her hair was pulled back and it swayed with wind that whipped through the window.

“Hey Mike?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“You think?”
“Well I mean I know”

“Is it you think or you know?”

“I know. And why are you giving me a hard time? I just told you that I love you and you didn’t say a word. Oh and you know what? I saw you smirking when I told you. So cut it ‘cause I know you’re not mad.”

“I don’t know Rachel. I don’t know what to say, I guess I’m just disappointed, that’s all.”

“You’re disappointed?

“Yeah. I think and I know are two totally different concepts and to explain them would be–”
“I’m going to take it back then!”

“You can’t actually! It’s a rule.”

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“Well what do you say Mike?”

“Well Rach, I guess I say that I think I’m in love with you too.”

“I can’t believe you Michael, you know that?”

“I know you can’t. That’s why you love me.”

Silence. The good kind.

My car screeched to a halt. I was standing outside her door. I began to sweat. I probably shouldn’t have been there in a state like that. I clutched the door siding to balance myself. It wasn’t the sexiest stance, but it worked. Knock, Knock, Clank. I misjudged the third knock and hit the door handle. It’s ring pierced my ears. Was she asleep at this point? Where was she? I wanted to call out, yell, but that’d be too cliche and I wasn’t that much of a mess. I heard footsteps inside. Quiet little pattern approached the door. Our eyes met through the peephole. It was a first in awhile that we actually looked at one another. The door creaked open. It felt like ages, but we were finally standing face to face.

“Hey,” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “Hey.”

Silence. The awkward kind.

She handed me one. So I took it, it burned and I cared. She had a way with words. She engrained them into my head. Every last word, every last sentence. Even the syntax was perfect. She knew exactly what to say to make me feel like the biggest piece of shit that had ever walked the Earth. I deserved it. When she finished, we stared at each other. The silence was awkward, at first anyways. But, that’s where I noticed the change. She crossed her arms, sighing from exasperation, exhaustion, I don’t know. But in that moment, it changed. What happened? Well, the silence became good again.